Come Now Sleep

I wanted to first point something out, A lot of my posts will have some connection with an As Cities Burn song title, or lyric, or album name. I know it's kind of odd, but I cant help but think that they say the words that I can't. My blog title is in fact a collection of song and album titles from them, as well as the background art. I found it to be very effective because the saying "Hell or Highwater" means many things, such as strength, will power, and overall courage. Which I hope I display in my ramblings on this blog. And "Into The Sea" works perfectly with it, because together it means I am going to press onward through life, no matter how hard it gets, in the hopes of finding a greater happiness.

Now that I have that out of the way, I'll continue with the title of this specific post title. Come Now Sleep... AT THIS MOMENT, Nothing could be more relavent. It is almost 5 in the morning, I can not sleep... It has been like this since before summer started, and it is really taking its tole on me. Physically, mentally, emotionally. No matter how hard I try, I cant close my eyes. I just stare. The worst thing is, when I am trying to fall asleep, I think about life. All of the unanswered questions. The meaning, the reason, searching for something in my memory that can help me define it. Nothing comes to mind, nothing ever comes to mind. So here I lie...

I have noticed I have lost a considerable amount of people in my life lately. Is it me? Do I drive people away... I feel like i get to a point in my relationships with people where I cant stand the small things that have always bugged me about them, and I explode. However, I do not instigate this. The person pushes me to the edge, and I push back full force... Then they are gone, and they erase me. Sometimes not just metaphorically. Honestly, How immature are you when you straight up delete friends on facebook and twitter just because you get into a fight. It makes me so frustrated. And I have realized I have lost at least 10 really close people in my life over the past year for this reason alone. Should I change, should I ignore the flaws that I cant help but scrutinize in people? I don't know...

Over this summer, Ive gotten close with several people (Lauren, Casey, and Alyssa you guys are awesome, never change) Ive also drifted apart from more. But I wont name names, they know who they are. And frankly they aren't going to be reading my thoughts anyways. All I know is that from all the people I know, at least I can always count on a few (Mikey and Zach especially, don't know where id be without these guys to be honest) and the aforementioned obviously. And I thank god all the time to have these people in my life.

Now that I have it all out on paper so to speak, I can finally start to sleep. "Throw yourself into the sea, take me somewhere, anywhere else...."